Monday, October 31, 2011

Mad Dash.............

How uncomfortable is it to be reminded of your own frailty...........this past Friday we made a made dash from Tx to Arkansas to be at the side of a family member having heart problems. We drove 11 hours straight with fear in our hearts........talking but still alone with our thoughts.......
~~~~~~Heart problems run rampant in my husbands family and has reared its ugly head as each family member reaches middle age or there abouts. I believe it is genetic and lifestyle issues. Regardless it never fails to drive a stake through my own heart when that fateful phone call arrives. My husband has two brothers and a sister.......one brother, sister and his mom have had bypass surgery. My husband has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, he is over weight..........but so far his heart beats strong for me.........
~~~~~~~~~My beloved sister in law is fine.......thank goodness........one of her stents was blocked and causing her great pain. The family that surrounded her breathed a collective sigh of relief.........As i'm sitting there in the recovery room watching my adoptive family interact with each other, people laugh and conversations overlap each other as they have for years. It has been difficult to find my place among them........thru no fault of theirs.....my own shyness and quiet nature has hampered me and held me back in this loving , robust family. After all these years i realize i feel comfortable in my own skin when i 'am with them, I feel comfortable enough to be myself. I realized that this weekend when talking with a new family member, the girlfriend of my husband's brother
~~~~~~~~~~I see her struggle to be herself but still trying to find her place........I want to reassure her that it will come.......but it feels strange when she is older than me.......but i hug her when i see her with what i hope is a truly welcoming hug. It would be so much easier if we all lived closer but like most families we are strung out across the country.
~~~~~~~~~~~When the fear had passed and on the long ride home I'd feel my eyes pulled to my husband time and time again. My fear for his sister was great but my fear for him is almost unbearable. Situations like this bring it rushing to the forefront of my mind, just how fragile our lives are and how very precious his life is to me. All his medical tests come back with flying colors.......blood pressure numbers are good with medication, cholesterol numbers are good with medication.....passed a stress test last year with flying colors. I would love to see him be able to take less medication. I tell him the reason he is slightly healthier than his other family members is because he lives with a nag.....he laughs.....i laugh.....maybe he doesn't hear the worry behind that laugh........we all know the choice to live healthier is a personal choice as there is much sacrifice involved but the gains .........? to me they are infinite and unmeasurable......more years spent with my soul mate.......

2 comments:

Eileen Bergen said...

Deb,

What a beautiful and thoughtful post.

My husband has joked for many years that we each will follow our same-sex parent.

My mother died of a heart attack at 54, so I am 11 years past my "expiration date". I don't have her risk factors and I try to live healthily.

My father-in-law was robust and in excellent condition until shortly before his fatal heart attack at age 69.

So my hubby is planning to stick around for another 4 years. It hurts my heart to see his sedentary lifestyle. What can I do other than love him while I have him?

On the other hand, we never know ... I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. And with my luck, I'll be wearing tatty underwear ;-)

Jennifer MacNeill-Traylor said...

So happy your sister in law is okay. My husband lives with a nag too:) As we approach middle age, we're trying to eat better and go to the gym.