Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Alienate.........

We finally got some snow!!!! It usually happens at least once a year that the Universe conspires to give us some of that magickal white stuff. The winter has been so mild and dry that i was beginning to wonder. I peeked out the door at 9pm and there was nothing so just before bed at 10pm i peeked one more time and 'POOF!' 2 inches had appeared falling silently in the dark. And if i was still a kid i would deem this 'perfect snow'. It was heavy and wet and about 4 inches deep by the time it was over......it was the kind that packed well and made great snowballs and snowmen and if i had a sled oh my we would fly. I managed to get hubby to put aside his worry of finding a job long enough to play in the snow with me at 10pm. But we were not alone.......no, no, no......seems everyone in the complex stepped outside......college kids throwing snowballs at each other.......people standing on their balconies taking pictures, one young man that passed as we strolled arm in arm said he had never seen snow before.......and the world stopped..... for just a minute in hushed silence and everything was perfect....... My diet and exercise has not been perfect since my last post......the threads of my willpower seem tantalizingly out of reach.......One moment i seem to have a firm grasp on them and the next they slip thru my fingers..........last week was excellent.....an auspicious beginning.......Sunday was a difficult day.......no special reason other than the fact i think i missed eating frivolously with my husband on the weekend and by Sunday evening just gave up the ghost and instead of just brushing it off and moving on i've been ruminating over it......sigh........Something this first week has shown me................... ..................when i changed my lifestyle back in 2008 and over the course of 2 years lost 80 pounds and became a runner............besides giving me my life back and my self esteem and my health, it did something else for me...............it alienated me from everyone around me..........and i had that distinct feeling again as i traversed all the obstacles in my path this past week. I was the only one juggling anything...... Everyone else i know just eats whatever they want, looks however they want , does not exercise how ever they want. Oh i'am perhaps admired for having the 'chutzpah' to do all this but i'am utterly alone in the attempt.......and it is very lonely on this path. And i think right now i'am balking against going back there. When i decided to just give up no matter how humiliating that was i also heaved a huge sigh of relief because suddenly i wasn't going against the grain anymore.Suddenly i fit in with everyone again.............So yeah this week is not starting out good........

6 comments:

Dosfishes at Sparkle Days Studios said...

I heard TX was getting wacky weather, you got more snow than we did....and ours melted with temps in the 40's. I think we have the same truck!! Except ours is black.....I am working on reduction too. One really helpful thing besides cutting carbs which you already know is to only eat meat, cheese with vegetables, no starch and eat starch(pasta, bread) only with vegetables. Speeds digestion and helps lost weight. Learned that in my herb class. Might help. We are trying it in earnest. xox Corrine

Carol said...

Glad you got snow because I don't want it! Seems you made a wonderful discovery about yourself and your journey. I think most of the people are like what you described, just eating for today and not worrying about tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes and we all have to pay the cost of our prior decisions. You need a support community my friend!

Katiejane said...

NO! Don't give up! I know it's tough, but don't regress. Maybe you just lost it for a day or two but keep on truckin'. Sometimes I have a day where I'm just starving, starving all day long. I know that I may as well give up and eat something substantial or else I will continue to snack and that's worse. You've come so far to let go now. Let everyone else be on the "diet" of their choice.

I think we are in for some of that four letter word this weekend. I hope not four inches!! You can have it.

Carol- Beads and Birds said...

Yes! You need a support group. I suspect that eating to fit in goes back to some childhood thing about fitting in. I know its hard to be around people that don't support your effort. When I was in third grade I wore a size 14 ladies size and battled weight until, amazingly, in 10th grade I got a job in a bakery and went from 184 down to 142.

The food battle is not because of what others are eating but what is within yourself. You found the desire once and you will find it again. Don't go down in defeat, just renew your focus.

BTW, I'll send you my snow. Its on its way for the weekend. Yuck!!

Eileen Bergen said...

Up until 4 years ago, I was trim and toned. I went to aerobics 5 days a week, but had to give that up after hamstring tears.

Now I'm "stuck" working from home (I know, it's a blessing and I do love it) with my exercise-phobic hubby.

I just can't motivate myself to get moving again.

I empathize totally, girlfriend.

Let's try to make 2012 OUR YEAR to be the best we can be!

beth said...

somehow your snow looks fun...compared to ours that looks a bit selfish while shaking a finger of "oh snap" i told you i'd show up eventually.......