Sunday, January 1, 2012

Its a New Year.................

..............and first and foremost its time to talk about making some changes....My first year off of work has been a colossal failure in the weightloss/exercise/lifestyle change department.... Everyone told me maintaining was the hard part and i just brushed it off. And to be honest what happened is i let the loneliness wear me down. I know that sounds crazy but when you are the only one in your circle of family and friends that gives a darn about their health its a lonely path to walk. Everyone else is eating what they want and doing what they want without the worry of fitting in exercise......and then i did the worse thing i could do i stopped talking about to you all.....i shut you out.......The only thing good to come from it is that i've learned and relearned a few things about myself....Once a couch potato , always a couch potato ,you do not just automatically change your natural tendencies...its you making the decision every day to fight against those natural tendencies....i lost big time....i quit fighting against my love of chocolate and icecream and chinese food......i fought the good fight then laid down my sword and gave up....it all became too hard.... I quit posting pictures and talking about diet/exercise on my blog and that really was the beginning of the end....no one held me accountable, hubby i'm sure was glad i didn't grumble about food anymore or fitting in my exercise....my weight doesn't really matter to hubby which to some extent i'am grateful for.
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I just know that i'am not happy.........this is not where i want to be....and now i find myself having to do it all over again..........have i slid all the way back??? no.....not quite that far but if i don't do something i will.....I know i'am at rock bottom again in both the diet and exercise.And i know one of the first steps is stating my intentions on my blog. Your weightloss and exercise demons don't just go away because you think you've defeated them they are there waiting for a weak moment....waiting for you to let your guard down, waiting for the thought to cross your mind that you can just live like a normal person . Eat what you want not have to lift a finger in exercise when in reality thats a very small portion of the population.I'm not sure i have the strength or willpower to do it all over again., especially with my life still in transition with trying to move to CA.......
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But i'm tired of not fitting in my jeans, I'm tired of the humiliation of having to buy larger jeans.......i've gone from a size 14 at my lowest to a size 18 right now. I don't know my weight as the scale is packed away ......lets just say ....not good...So we are going to have to judge this by dropping jean sizes.....which is fine by me cause even after all this i still don't want to go back to the scale. As apprehensive as i am about posting this i still feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.....no more secrets......So there will be more talk of weight loss on the blog, more exercise and more struggles....Still the artwork....still the trials of trying to move to CA, of living in an apartment..........If your not hearing about weightloss occasionally please, PLEASE speak up, ask me...you won't be a bother you'll be helping! Right now on TV they are showing the Reebok..cross fit games. I tried to attach a video link here for you i hope it works I find it so motivating maybe you will too. Last time i lost weight i concentrated on walking and running. I hope to progress to running again after i've lost a few pounds with walking. Hopefully a little running by spring if all goes well. But i've always been interested in overall fitness. So i want to include body weight exercises and weights too. Whew there you have it the 2012 plan. I hope you'll come along!
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Thank you all so much who took the time to vote for my boot. I stand at 30 votes at the moment. The highest voted boots are up in the 400 vote range........ah well...... UGG could still pick my boot as they reserve the right to pick their fav boot as the winner. So who knows! Hugs! deb

9 comments:

laurie said...

I feel your pain, I have gained back my wieghtloss, again.
Its a hard battle, looks like we both will be on the wieghtloss trail together this year, I will enjoy following you along, I'll support you, I'm still trying to adjust apartment living, it takes time, be happy, you're not alone.

Sharon - Rekindle Me said...

Hang in there!!! You were the one who got me started on the weight loss and I am here to tell you that I am shrinking!!! Because of you and your support (along with a few other changes), I am now looking and feeling better than I have in a very long time! Let's chat if you need to, but know that you are not in it alone! Slips happen. Don't beat yourself up! Sharon

Whimsey Creations said...

I'm right there with you girlfriend. When I was first diagnosed with diabetes I hopped on the bandwagon writing down every morsel I put in my mouth and exercising (at least walking if nothing else) almost every day. When I started feeling better and my numbers were down I started slipping - just a little slide here and there but enough to know I'm getting lazy - you're exactly right, once a couch potato, HARD to change! I went and bought three pairs of new pants Friday since my others were starting to slide off without unzippering them. Now to stay in them and be able to buy them even smaller - but that won't happen if I don't get up and get going. We can DO IT - I know we CAN!!!

Roxie said...

Man, I hear you on the loss of accountability. I went through the same thing during my hiatus. Rather than a failure, however, I'm choosing to treat it as a learning experience :-)

2012 is a new year. We both know what to do, now let's go do it - without punishment or recriminations.
Happy New Year!

F. McButter Pants said...

I hear ya sister! While I was busy with school I managed to loose a little weight here and there. Since the break I've gained 10 lbs. Prob not real weight, but still.

My folly is I quit walking everyday. Big mistake. Going to fix that fast, in fact I think I will get on the sneakers and get the hell outside!!

Come on, we can do this. We both know how, and besides, we are both totally awesome!

Carol said...

I used to follow your blog. I'm not sure why I stopped. I go thru "weird times". But I am going to follow again. I am a size 12. Weigh 141. 5'3". I'm not really trying to lose. I'm 60 and have compressing vertebrae that are causing sciatic issues. I just don't excercise. BUT!! BIG BUT HERE! I want to limit sugar intake. I want to eat more fiber since I have a divertcie issue. So. I'll make a deal if you want to. You post and focus on your food/health/excerise issues along with your art and I'll support and encourage you and HONESTLY report to you how well I am doing at trying to fit 30 grams of fiber into my daily diet.

Its a new year and I call for freedom from guilt and a new beginning, don't YOU?

Dosfishes at Sparkle Days Studios said...

Okay Deb, Get that critic out of your head!!! I get the weight thing size 16....I sprain my ankle, just beginning to walk, ice cream oh yeah. I decided just to try and eat healthier, walk more and drink gobs more water and filling up on that. I am rooting for you!!!!! You can root for me too!!! xox Corrine

Carol said...

Well Deb, you proved one thing for sure, you are a normal person! It really is the hardest thing in the world to maintain a weight loss. There are lots of psychological and physiological reasons for this but the bottom line is that it is work. And worse, it is work that is constant and never ending! After a big loss like you had it is normal to want a break from it.

I think you need to forgive yourself for disappointing yourself. You learned some valuable lessons from this journey! Now as I always say, just dust your knees off and get back to it. You know you can succeed. You know it is work. You know there are people who will never understand. I have faith in you!

Carol said...

Wow, this was weird. I signed up to follow your blog and it has me under my maiden name. I checked my profile and it has the right name. Just so you know, wrong last name but it really is me.