Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Legend of the Purple Toe........

I cannot grieve with others.................i just cannot........i think i am somehow broken in that way......but i can hug and hold and try to comfort and listen and just ........be there........and you hope somehow that that is enough..........that the person behind the tears and sadness is not judging you for your lack of emotion..........that they can somehow see it in your eyes that your grieve too.............. It is in the quiet moments that my grief overwhelms.......standing in the shower with the warm water pounding my shoulders that my tears mingle with the water, hopes that the sound of the water drowns out my sobs...............It is in the night when the whole world sleeps and the dark embraces me that the tears flow and i remember every kindness, every hug, every attempt to know me, understand me and love me .....which is not the easiest thing to do.....Please forgive that i'am not more forthcoming on our loss but i feel the family would appreciate that. Amazingly the world continues to spin....and the sun will come up tomorrow.......and somehow life will go on........but there will always be that empty place in our hearts...........Thank you so much for all your well wishes and condolences.....
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~Above are pictures of Lily of the Nile flowers or they are also called Agapanthus......they are blooming everywhere around here now......they are so beautiful........oh.......the purple toe????Well i didn't take a picture of my purple toe so i gave you purple flowers.........lol......but on one of those long ,sad nights i stumbled my way to the bathroom and stubbed my toe on one of our suitcases. OMG! Everyone was sleeping......i didn't want to wake anyone up!......i must have silently screamed for 5 minutes........omgosh that hurt! The next day i had a purple toe.....I have never stubbed my toe that hard in my life! I thought i broke it! But the purple is fading away and the pain has not lingered unlike the pain in my heart....so i think all is well..........Have you ever stubbed your toe that hard? Hugs! deb

5 comments:

Lori said...

Hope all is okay. I am sorry for you loss.

Carol- Beads and Birds said...

I thought I stubbed my toe that hard...yes I did break my foot..it reminds me every time it rains.

You always hear that everyone deals differently with their grief and it is so true. I never understood funerals until my mother died and felt comfort in having friends and family near.

I don't think you are broken.
xx, Carol

gamma3 said...

you are not broken sweet friend. every one is special in all kinds of ways. one of your special ways is thru thought and writing. this won't make your toe hurt less or heal sooner, but mother slipped and broke 4 toes. her biggy on down. she is on enough meds already, i am sure it hurt but not as much. take care of that toe. tape, lots of tape.

Corrine at sparkledaysstudio.com said...

Oh it sounds so hard this loss, my heart is with you. One day at a time. xox

Eileen Bergen said...

How beautifully you expressed your feelings. Grieving in private is perfectly acceptable. We all need to do it our own way. I expect that your being strong for the others was a blessing for them.

I never knew the name of those flowers. Our neighbor has some and the blooms just last forever. They're like stately sentinels along the curb. I love when they appear and then every day for months.